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well, it is october now. i am a week away from four months...... almost halfway done spike! about four days ago i came out of the movie theater and realized that instead of being a nice layer of squishy blubber around my middle there was a nice hard bump. i had a bit of a freak out for a bit, thinking something was wrong but TGFG: thank god for google. and iPhone's haha. I quickly determined that this was normal. and thennnnnn two days later i felt you move for the first time! it feels very strange. i can also poke at you and make you squirm away. it's pretty much my favourite past time at the moment haha.

this is definitely the coolest thing so far and also the hardest. it's really hard for me right now not having your dad by my side. even worse that he doesn't even care enough to call/email/phone/text or anything else to see how you are. i hear that for dads it isnt real until they hold you. however, everyday it gets more real to me and all i want is someone to share it with. and not just all my family and friends who are overjoyed to hear of all your developments. this time they just arent cutting it.

i can definitely say that this is the hardest week so far, everything just seems a little too overwhelming to me at the moment. however, i just finished 4 12 hour shifts in a row so maybe i am just too tired to process this. i will say that i am sure that this is going to get much better after a couple good nights of sleep and some real food. you seem to be in the mood for home made soup or pasta or just anyting home cooked and time consuming. i also have big plans for thanksgiving with a friend. so there is lots to look forward to. keep on kickin' little spike. i love you and the reminder that you are there and counting on me being strong and healthy and happy. i'll keep on truckin' too. xo

*15 weeks*

PS- I think that watching wedding shows is definitely not helping haha. try to kick me when i watch them so i remember they really arent helping.